he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
