these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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