just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
