look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
