I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
