508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
