Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
