it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
