Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Less talking, more tequila
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
