Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
