i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
