Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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