just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
