It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
