Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
