So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
