I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
