Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
