She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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