totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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