I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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