I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
