He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
