All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
