would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
