I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
