I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
