my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
