I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
