This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do flat chested girls get laid?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
