you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mom said you looked used
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
