I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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