bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
