Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
