I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
