She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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