How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
