I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
