hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
