You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
