I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
