What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
