So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
