My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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