They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
