i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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