Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
