I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
