All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
