She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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