We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
