I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
even my farts smell like vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
